About Me

I do not like to write. I can't spell to save my life. I have no idea how to correctly use punctuation or grammar. I've already forgotten so much in my short career as a mom of two, so I'd better write some of this stuff down before I forget it all.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

My turn as a Movie Critic

I have probably watched a few more movies then I should have lately, but I've had just about that much laundry to do as well. I cannot believe just how bad movies are getting! I seriously have watched some of the worst movies ever in recent weeks. I mentioned how bad movies are to someone the other day and she told me that maybe I am just bad a picking movies. Well, that may be true but I'd like to say that they should all be good regardless. So there! I've decided that since I am so bad good at writing I should write a few quick reviews of some movies for you. :o)

Whip It: Hubby has a new facination with Roller Derby and seriously wants the neighborhood moms to start our own team. He brought this one home. This movie has some big names in in like Drew Barrymoore, Jimmy Fallon, Juliette Lewis, the girl from Juno, the girl from Bridesmaids, ....haha just now I realized I don't know these "famous" names so lets say some famous faces! So I was shocked at just how bad this movie was. I knew it would be bad if it was a Roller Derby movie, but I gave it the benefit of a doubt when I saw that it starred some big names, errr faces. Big Mistake. This movie was horrible! Basically it's about a 17 year-old girl from a small town who doesn't fit the mold her mother is trying to put her in. Instead of Beauty Padgents, she sneaks off to be on a Roller Derby team where she lies about her age and says she is 21. Juliette Lewis character hates her and is mean. Kids get in touble for lying about being 21. It got so bad I rolled over and went to sleep. I later found out this movie is a favorite of some friends. Seriously?! Are you kidding me! Grade: Z because that is what I was doing...catching some ZZZZZZZZs.

Skateland: Dear God! As hubby put it, "Whoever made this movie should never make a movie again!" I grabbed this quickly off the shelf when I saw it was about skating to score points with hubby and to redeem ourselves from the Whip It movie. There was a total of about five minutes of skating in the whole movie. The title comes from the name of the skating rink where the main character works that just happens to be closing. Once again, maybe a total of 15 minutes shot there. I cannot figure out why on earth they would name the movie Skateland when it has just as much to do with the movie as a tree. They should have called it Tree, or Stupid, or Don't Watch Me. The back of the box compared it to American Graffiti. We speculated maybe a Dazed and Confused type movie. Not even close. There didn't even seem to be a plot. It was the worst, slowest movie ever. The girl who plays Alice in the Twilight Series is the main girl character. She needs to stick with Twilight! There is no real plot to even bother writing about. It hurts my brain trying to think of what one was! Final grade: F- for Freaking worst Failure of a Film in all the Flipping world.

Bad Teacher: Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake...I just had to give it a shot. We rented the unrated version. It was better then the unrated version of Knocked Up, which I am not a big fan of. Some of the humor was a little yuck for me but there were a few good laughs so I can't say it was the worst movie in my review. Basically Cameron Diaz gets the boot from her rich fiance and thinks that buying a new pair of boobs will make it all better. She is extremely shallow and self-absorbed, and will do anything to make, steal or borrow the money to pay for her new boobs. She is also the worst Teacher ever. Justin Timberlake plays a huge dork. I liked that they seemed to work well despite their real-life breakup. In the end this movie gets a C because I Couldn't Care less about watching it again.

One Day: Yeah. I turned this off after about 20 minutes. It stars Anne Hathaway talking in a British accent. It was SO slow. I couldn't take it anymore. Not much more to say. Grade: F for Failure to keep my Freaking attention for longer then Fifteen minutes.

Best Night Ever: Topher Grace stars in this Dazed and Confused wanna be movie but miserably fails. This movie is so, so, so, SO STUPID! It's set in the 80's. Grace's character is obsessed with the popular girl from high school. He runs into her at a party several years later and lies about working for a large financial firm when he in fact works at a music and video store. After romancing her she finds out that he lied and breaks up with him. The breakup pushes him over the edge and he decided to ride this large ball down the hill, which no one has ever done. The ball goes out of control and crashes into a neighbor's pool. He survives and she helps rescue him from the pool and they fall in love. Puke. This movie gets a D for being Dumber then Dumb.

Mr. Popper's Penguins: So this was a great movie for the kids and I actually enjoyed it too. Jim Carey plays Mr. Popper. He receives a penguin from his late father and several more shortly join the family. It  is through the penguins that Mr. Popper discovers what is truly important in life. It was cute. It was funny. It was entertaining. Final Grade: A- for Ability to keep my Attention.

The Smurfs: This was brutal to get through but the kids seemed to enjoy it. No way is it as good as the real cartoon from when we were kids. Smurfs are supposed to be characters in a cartoon, not real things in real life. They just don't go together in this world. The kids would probably give it a B but I'm going to give it a D for Dull.

And I saved the best for last! I stumbled upon Waiting for Superman yesterday. I was captivated. I was moved. If you have not seen this movie YOU NEED TO. This movie is a must for all, especially parents. What an eye-opener about our educational system! I am disgusted, sad, disheartened, enraged, and bewildered. This movie gets an A+++++ for being everything an A is...outstanding, brilliant, excellent, amazing, moving and so on. Please watch this movie if you have not! I am shocked and horrified at what is really going on in our school system from teachers and unions to the administrators and Dept of Education. It's time for a change. I could eat documentaries like this up! Waiting For Superman

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I Don't Have Time

I have a about two billion things that need to be done right now, but here I am attempting to blog. I'm in awe at how some of my friends, some with four kids, somehow have time to blog during this holiday season. I need school to resume so I can get some sort of order back. On the other hand, I am enjoying sleeping in and can't believe my kids have been sleeping past 8:30. Whew!

My sweet, almost six year old daughter said two things on Christmas that I don't want to forget...

1. Among other things, Santa left her a package of Hello Kitty panties in her stocking. She seemed a little disturbed by this. The look on her face was not of disappointment, but disgust. I asked her what was wrong. She loves Hello Kitty. She tells me, "Well, I like Hello Kitty and I like the panties but that's just kinda weird. It's gross that Santa would give me panties." Hubby and I couldn't hold it in. He says to her that he doubts Santa wore the panties. They are brand new. That answer was all she needed and Hello Kitty panties went on. Apparently she was a little worried that Santa was packaging up his old Hello Kitty panties and passing them off as new in children's stockings!

2. After Christmas dinner we were enjoying a cake that was colored pink and purple because my neighbor and I have all girls. I have to share a name, but her youngest daughter's name is Violet. As our oldest children are digging in I hear my daughter say to her friend, "I wish your name was Violet...and then mine could be Fuchsia." Awesome. That's my daughter's new name. Fuchsia. Love it.

That's all I have for now. I'm too busy...but I might become a movie critic soon. :o)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Your husband might be a Redneck (and PETA might come after me) if...

Your husband might be a Redneck (and PETA might come after me) if...

10. Your hubby uses the word "kin" and can't tell you just how someone is related to him. "I don't know...he's just kin."
9. Your in-laws have built a golf course in their front yard and they drive around in hunting trucks and lawn mowers instead of golf carts. "Foster Links Golf Club" (Pretty good fun if I must say so myself!)
8. Your hubby thinks YOU are the weird one for choosing to shower in a shower as opposed to the lake, river, or other body of unknown water and creatures.
7. He beats you in a fishing challenge using a Barbie fishing pole with a slice of cheese. I had the real pole, real bait, etc and he still beat me!
6. Sometimes it looks feels like there is more game in the freezer then ice.
5. Your backyard is covered in bird feathers during dove season. Not because they were killed there, but because they were cleaned there.
4. The first "home cooked" meal your husband serves you is freshly shot squirrel fried up with cane syrup.
3. You have to lie to your child about what's for dinner because daddy served us the rabbit he shot today.
2. Your child receives a rabbit's hide as a present from her father.
1. Your husband ties turkey legs to the fence as you walk out the door to "dry them out."
(It's raining by  the way.)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Short-story Saturday

So this week I was dropping my five-year old off at school in the car line. I drive and SUV so it is a little jump for her when she hops out but she is always ready to jump out as soon as the teacher opens the door. On Thursday the teacher opened the door and she started to jump out as usual. I looked over my right shoulder to say goodbye and I hear the teacher say, "Oops. Oops! You got something caught. Oh! I don't want to know what that is." I see a rubber skull roll back in the car. I say, "Oh, that's from Halloween." I drive off. No big deal.

Later, I go to drop off my two-year old. She hops over to her sister's side of the car. It's easier for me to just walk around then to get her back on my side. I open the door and my eyes are immediately drawn to the unused, yet unwrapped, and out of the applicator tampon. By the looks of it I'm pretty sure its been there awhile. There is dirt on it and it's nice and "swollen" if you will. Now I know why the teacher back at my oldest's school said she didn't want to know what that was.

Now, the task for this week will be to locate the applicator floating around the car somewhere before that scares someone else.